Sunday, June 13, 2010

Really...why do I do this to myself?

This is really more of a personal ranty whinge rather than a bookish related post...I just needed to get this out of my system.

I promised myself halfway through May that I would temporarily hiatus from my blogs throughout June so that I could study for my exams....and yet I am here.

Sometimes I really wonder why I do things like this to myself...I really, really do. Because really I am not doing anything constructive with my time, because to be honest with all the time I have spent trawling the web and watching episodes of Top Gear that I have already seen, I haven't done any Book Reviews OR study so I have absolutely nothing to show for the time I have wasted today.

Granted I did do an hours worth of an exam...but really...that's not much.

I used to be able to get away with doing crap like this, but I really can't anymore, and I know I am going to be a quivering mess on Tuesday, Thursday and Monday...I am going to feel guilty for blowing people off to "study" and then procrastinate.

What's worse is that, June is chockers as far as posting goes...I have reviews scheduled that will take me all the way through to the 29th so it's not like I won't be around in a way, my reading will just be hoarding unread posts.

So really....why do I do this to myself? It's not school anymore, where I didn't have to try, and it didn't matter regardless, I am paying for college, this is my career AND it's my final year. I want to be the 19 yr old fully qualified, experienced accountant...but I am probably going to end up being the 20 yr old fully qualified accountant that failed a subject before she made it this rate, I could fail all of them.

It is times like these when I really don't know why I started a blog this year, I mean yeah it has been fun and yeah it is an awesome outlet for my restlessness and it has led me to meet a great community of people who show me awesome new books everyday and have an actual opinion about literature....but sometimes I wonder...why did I stress myself out this year by taking on something else?

And then I come up with an answer...because I would have wasted time somehow regardless...and at least this way I have something to show for it...

But still, I have a massive exam on Tuesday and another one that night that is my key to passing the course and actually getting to the final exam on Thursday. Plus an exam on Monday that I am really bad in the subject at so I really need to pull together and work hard for, and yet I am telling you this and taking 10 minutes of my time that I could have used to study.

Why do I do this to myself???

I think it might be because i really don't care anymore....but that is not a good enough reason.


Sabrina said...

Wishing you lots of luck for your exams next week.

Anonymous said...

No, I don't think that's it at all ... I'm kind of in the same boat as you, and I think it's just that it's so incredibly stressful that you convince yourself you don't care because that's the only way you think you could possibly cope! That's probably why you started the blog as well, not only because you love reviewing books, but also because it gives you a legitimate reason not to study ... but loads of people are like that ... I'm like that, and trying my hardest to work through it, LOL ... but it's tough to get in the right mindset and just STUDY. Procrastination is too easy :( Don't worry, though, you're most definitely not alone, and these are doubts that almost everyone faces along the way.

James Garcia Jr said...

Any time that you need to get something out of your system, go ahead and do so. We'll listen!
You're going to get it done. We know this. And so do you.
Take that from the 41 year old who finally got that first novel published. And even should you encounter further problems and you do not become a fully experienced accountant until you're 20; there are worse things.
Hang in there, champ! I look forward to the post that proudly proclaims: "I did it!"
Take care and good luck.
Author of the horror/Christian vampire e-book and paperback (very soon), Dance on Fire.


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